xmas not so bad this year

I've notice over the past few years that I have become over come with a lot of worry and depression before Christmas.

I think it has to do with having to deal with judgmental and nosy family members that come around on this day.

but luckily (for me at least) they didn't bother to much with me as they're attention was focused on other people.

in fact last night I was thinking about the fact that a few years ago I was in such a wreck with the ideal of dealing with them (plus thinking about how crappy my life was) that I was literally in the kitchen with a knife to my wrist.

luckily I came to my senses before I cut myself and asked my self what the hell are you doing.