What would my kid self say about the me of now?

I was just thinking how my (and I think most peoples') life isn't what I thought it would be when I was a child.

of course I wanted to be a robot that could turn into a car or a turtle that was a master of ninjutsu. So I can logically understand why that hasn't happen. Plus I am grateful that I don't have to live in a sewer.

But of all the child fantasies that I had of my adult life the one thing that was the common denominator between was that I would have control of my life. Heck that was the common denominator in my dreams when I was a kid, pre-teen and teen.

the sad thing is that I realized that, that hasn't happened. No let me rephrase that I have allowed others to have control of my life.

I sit and wait around for the help of others. Let it be this blog or my family members.

For years I have been trying to get my license. I didn't have the money to pay for drivers ed and asked people in my family (namely my mother) to help me, either to pay for it or teach me themselves.

But I was always turned down. Either due to money or time. And I was/am understand of both. So I said when ever is a good time for you.

I waited and waited

but it was never a good time.

or even worst my mother would say something like "oh, let's do it this Saturday" and when Saturday comes she is now where in site until night and then she turns around and say "it's to late to go practices driving now" or "didn't you know I had this or that meeting."

er no I didn't and if you know you had something to do today why did you say you would practices driving with me

but I let that slide and said ok well when ever it's a good time for you.

and I waited and waited

days past into weeks, months into seasons, seasons into years.

it got so bad that I just gave up asking family for help.

I knew I wasn't going to get it.

and I couldn't take getting hope build up that this time it would be different.

This having no one to turn to when I just need a little help has filled me with frustration and some times rage.

but the thing is that in the end it was always my fault. At some time I should have stood up for myself and taking more control. I should be more aggressive instead of being so mousy.