wow I think I may be suffering from depression

I'm usually feeling down. So much that I sometimes don't have the energy to do things that I know I need to do to get me out of this position. and when I do have the energy I realize it's pointless because I will still run into the same blocks that I always run into.

sometimes I feel a bit of anger over being such an f-up.

self identifying my problem of over relying on others part 4 - my dark secret

a level of my over reliance on others that I am a shamed to admit was that years ago I was one of those Internet panhandlers.

I was hoping to raise money to pay for a car and pay off my student loans.

But since I was a hot young woman I didn't make any money. well that's not 100% true I had one kind soul that helped me out (and when I get on my feet I will pay this kind person back)


other then that one person all I got where a lot of insults.

self identifying my problem of over relying on others part 3

crap I just realized that my creating this blog is part of my over relying on others.

the whole reason I made it was that I was hopping to get advice from people I don't know.


Though I admit I have found that just writing down my problems and getting stuff of my chest I have at least start to feel better and allowed myself to se my flaws.

and even though I'm still in the same spot I start out as, I have new insight and have forced myself to fix the problems I've spotted in myself.

at least for the most part, there are things I see, think I fix and later noticed I still do them.

self identifying my problem of over relying on others part 2

another example of my over relying on people would be my plaining on moving to boston.

the reason I picked Boston beside they have a better job market, is the fact that I have a brother that lives there.

and the reason why I haven't moved yet (even though I have the greyhound ticket) is because he has had other things going on.


so yet another thing in my life that I have put in the control of others.

self identifying my problem of over relying on others part 1

a problem that I noticed I have that has been keeping me down is the fact that I have became over reliant on others.

For example I some times get calls/email dealing with job interviews, but becasue I don't have a car (or license) I am relying on others for rides.

But most of the time I can't get anyone to take me and so those are jobs I have passed up.

I've also limit my search to only go as far as I assume someone will take me. which is about a 10 mile radius.

this also has greatly increased the number of jobs open to me that I have passed up.